Wedding is a wonderful time..people get together, have fun, lots of parties,lots of shopping...and persons for whom all this means a lot, the bride...and ofcourse the bridegroom. I can talk pages about what emotions a bride goes through, because I have experienced it myself. The joy of starting a new life with that one person who is soon going to be your world...the turmoil of leaving your parents, your home, changing your world forever..now that's quite a rollercaster ride of emotions.If a girl has dreams of sharing the world with that one person...means she needs his attention, love, understanding and above all his honesty.
Honestly, for a marriage to survive these are the essentials.
So, you guys out there....
If you love someone and do not have the consent of your parents, please don't marry some random girl and ruin her life. Please don't commit until you are over with your ex. You will not only be shattering your wife's dreams but will also be responsible for every tear that departs from her eyes because of your disinterest. Its the first months of marriage that are the hardest and requires nurturing....if you can't love and listen to your wife in these months you have probably lost some amount of trust already! And no relation blossoms without the seeds of trust. You will have a life...but a compromised one...always ready to shake with a little jolt.The relation a husband and wife share is the most beautiful relation gifted by God....and you have no right to abuse it! If you are sensible enough don't commit.
Have the courage and strength to cleanse your heart and remove that is not yours. Have the courage to store in your heart what is rightfully yours. Have the courage to move on.To parents (esp. mothers) out there...
If you think everything will be alright if you bring some random person in your child's life and expect everything will be alright....then I am sorry, I beg to differ. I don't care what history says but I seriously don't think its going to work out in times like now...when the girl is efficient enough to look after herself and the kids if any. The factor that worked before in working out a 'marriage without consent' was because women had lesser options and less or no money clubbed with no support. If you are smart, you can analyze why marriages in today's world don't work for long. I very strongly feel no matter what field, you need to have your basics right...and the base of any marriage proposal is the 'consent' of both the sides involved, and by sides I am strictly referring to the boy and the girl. Without the consent factor I don't think there's any point in even thinking about it. I know every parent has a dream of seeing their child settled with a family. But what's the point when your child has a settled life with unsettled relation and unsettled emotions. I guess its high time parents have courage to listen to their children and let them decide. You have every right to point your opinion and take a stand but at times its okay to let go, for your child's sake and for the girl's sake who is unknown to what's in store for her.
Dear ladies...
What applies to men also applies to you. Don't commit if there's a past hovering over your head. Let go and then continue. I know we all have dreams and everything...but things dont turn out the way we want them to. Every relation has some amount of compromise involved...but you never ever compromise on whats rightfully yours. NEVER EVER! You have every right to claim it. I don't know what more to say.....just keep praying that you be blessed with a loving, understanding and sensible spouse.
[p.s: I have written this post out of sheer restlessness and whatever I have posted has absolutely nothing to do with me and is based on general observations.]
Great post Afrah!! Very true! However, from what I've seen from different people, not everyone chooses to voice their opinion more because of the way they've been brought up rather than fear or lack of courage. I think grooming and conditioning goes a long way in creating extraordinary people and producing the ordinary ones who choose to follow the crowd rather than stick to what's morally and Islamically correct..subhanAllah!
ReplyDeleteQuite an impressive one. However,
DeleteI would like to draw your attention towards the FACT that not EVERY DIVORCE AND DISGRACE ENDS are a result of COMPROMISE.
Even ARRANGED MARRIAGES with no history (i.e., neither bride nor groom has any past whatsoever) suffers bitter pangs of disgraceful ends like separation and divorces. We also know that even LOVE MARRIAGES with a whole bunch of "lovely dovely promises" faces a demise. Many a times COMPROMISE turns out to be a blessing in disguise. There is always more to the eye that meets in these cases and we cannot conclude and confine this subject to one particular aspect.
So it can be very comfortably concluded that such DISGRACED ENDS are a matter of COMPATIBILITY most of the times (Not all the times please dont mistake me to be confining this to one aspect).
These matters are subjective to each and every individual and entity pertaining to his situation. For some your (the writer) situation applies and for some mine applies. And for some its just fun like we see in the WESTERN CULTURE.
P.S.: My sole intention is only to draw the readers attention towards other side of the coin. :-)
I completely agree with you. There are other n number of factors required to work out a marriage. But don't you seriously think consent is a very essential factor...or the most basic factor?
DeleteMy whole purpose of writing this article is to convey that its really important to start a new life with a clear head and a clean heart..
The best reply i could give you with regards to your question of consent is
Delete"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good."
I base my opinion on the verse of the Holy Quran. In the light of this i comfortably opine that CONSENT is the basic requirement of marriage. And without CONSENT marriage contract is invalid.
When i say this i get a response in which world do people abide to this. I know people are arrogant and ignorant to the best in these times. But fact remains still and firm. A MARRIAGE WITHOUT CONSENT IS INVALID. It is not at all LAWFUL or LEGAL. If a father is forcing his daughter to marry without her CONSENT then he is actually forcing her to ______. I dont really want to use that term. I am sure sister you smart enough to fill in the blank.However, thats my opinion. :)
I forgot to mention the glorious verse is from Surah An-Nisaa (The Women) 4:19.
DeleteTrue Nasmi...but I seriously find it very annoying. Time to change, yea? what say?
ReplyDeleteTime to change yes, time to change the generation we are responsible for bringing up coz there's really no way we can change the generation which brought us up or the generation before that..
DeleteFor each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron.
DeleteSurah Ar-Rad 13:11.
(This is the master key to change).
"The factor that worked before in working out a 'marriage without consent' was because women had lesser options and less or no money clubbed with no supprot. If you are smart, you can analyze why marriages in today's world don't work for long."
ReplyDeleteI completely disagree with this statement of yours sister. With due respect to your understanding.
However, lets go the beginning of Islam. We know that the famous divorce of Zayd ibn Haritha (RA) (the adopted son of Prophet Muhammad pbuh) and Zainab bint Jahash (the cousin of Prophet Muhammad pbuh) took place. And this was due to COMPATIBILITY issue. In those times when women were treated like an inherited property and given no rights even at that time Divorces took place and COMPROMISE was not an the final resort.
Although, women do compromise thinking about their dependency on men but we should also understand such type of women only lack courage. If this reason is their choice then its their personal problem. Even in the past 100yrs, 200yrs, 600yrs before Divorces took place and women opted for it irrespective of how and who will get them sustenance.
Again i am only disagreeing with this because this is not the REAL REASON for divorces. This is more of a personal problem than a real cause.
With all due respect, my concern here is not why divorce cases have increased but that one factor that could be a reason for an unsuccessful marriage.
DeleteI agree with your reasoning but I am trying to voice my opinion here wrt another issue that is of 'consent'...which is the whole soul purpose of nikah. When Allah (s.w.t) has permitted us with such an option then it definitely is for a reason. I am just trying to bring out why this reason is important. Here in this article, divorce is not my concern. I hope you got my point.
Jazak Allah khairan
I understand your point. :)
DeleteWe may differ about few points here and there yet if you take a positive approach to my comments its actually adding up to your post and widening the awareness. :) This is a blessing of a healthy discussion. SubhanAllah.
Alhamdulillah :) Thanks for the active response.
Delete